There's Two Ways To Budget a Low Budget Flick.... The Pie In The Sky or The Sky In Pie...

After getting off the phone today with two different producers in regards to two different features I am producing and when I say different kinds of producers I don't mean apples and oranges different, I mean elephants and angel food cake different.  But I digress.  In my humble experience of producing I think ten low-ish budget features I came to the conclusion that there are two ways to budget a low-budgy-flickeroni;  You can go out and hire a fancy production manager, or a not so fancy production manager, and pay them their fee, or promise them a job if the movie finds its way to a producer, and lop off the script to them and say "budget this" I call this the "pie in the sky" budgeting;  or,  you can go to a production manager and you say "this is the budget" and then they budget the movie, and when I say budget, they work with what you actually have or think you can get.  I call this "the sky in the pie" budgeting.   You see,  at the end of the day it really doesn't matter if the line producer says what the f*** the budget is, because the budget is how much you have in the bank to make the movie, (or in a Prada shoe box, or how much room you have on your credit car) that is the budget of the movie not what some bourgeoisy production manager tells you what the budget it.   No offense to PMs because that's a job I would never want to have (though did do it on one feature "Life On The Road With Mr. & Mrs. Brown" along with many other jobs, like directing, producing,  driving James Brown's wife to re-hab twice,  fending psychotics, but that's another story), but a production manager is not a producer, and usually doesn't think like a producer.  A good producer (in my opinion) thinks with the concept of "This is what I have to make this thing, so lets go for it, and make it happen some how, even if it means flirting with your ex-boyfriend editor to do a rough cut of the movie for free (but lets face it, these favors aren't really free either, but you play the card because hell, it's a solution so your investors don't chop your balls off for not finishing the movie."

Moral of the story, don't be a robot, and try not to hire a robot production manager who can't think a little outside the box, movies are meant to made not to be theorized about.

Love, Camille
www.camillesolari.com
@camillesolari 

From "Hot List" to "Not List" With Your Fancy Agency

So you sign with a swanky top 5 Hollywood Agency. Wow! The moment we've all been waiting for. Suddenly you're having "hot" conversations about your "hot" projects, yes plural "hot" projects, the same projects that couldn't see the light of day 3 months ago, 3 days ago, even 3 minutes ago,  no one cared about

your cool show, script, movie,  but you still believed it was an amazing idea, right? Right? It's really good right?  And your pitching out there to production companies and networks and you get a couple  "It's already been dones!" [sic] and a few  "Do you have another spin on that idea?" and you're like "Someone else has a show about lesbian twin whales in The Arctic? Really?"  And you pound the pavement and when I say pound the pavement you get instantly depressed, and decide that it's time to work on that book you've been wanting to write, because - self-publishing is really awesome! Not!

By a stroke of luck, your one non-jealous friend pitches you to their "hot" agency and that "hot" agent signs you. So now you're "hot."  You start wearing "hot" clothes, you drive around  in a "hot" way, your agent even calls you on his "hot" cell phone, just wanting to chat about "the pitch" and life is amazing!  The world took a 180 turn from shite to flight! For 3 "hot" seconds!  Suddenly a week then... two weeks go by, and your hot agent, decides that he did all that he can do and that no one is interested, and "hit me up when have 10 new projects"  and you're like, "Let's have lunch, or coffee and talk about this! Surely everyone didn't pass?" And then he doesn't respond to that email. And then you have the horrible realization that you went from the "hot" list to the "not" list. Because your agent probably talked to about 5 people about your 10 projects and one ass-hole in development said, "I think we already passed on that" and then you've been demoted to what I like to call the agent ice age.

It's so crappy.  But just remember, you might be feeling cold, and maybe you got frost bight  on your nose and finger tips, but the only one who decides if your projects are hot are you.   So don't be fooled by the rocks that I got... I'm still Jenny from the block, and so is your agent.  He's just some dude after all that doesn't want to lose his job.

Love Camille  Solari
www.camillesolari.com

The Douche Bag Film Distributor

Like so many of us in Hollywood the first thing I do when I wake up is check my email, it's just what  I do before I even drink coffee, or pee, or check the time, I check my email, sometimes right off my IPhone in bed if I am feeling really lazy but more often on the desktop computer.  Now, there is something about a passive aggressive email lurking in the dark waters of my emails that seems to grasp my attention almost immediately. It's like a shark's fin that breaks the surface of the ocean water, you're praying it's a dolphin but in actual fact it's a goddamn shark. So I click the email from the distributor of one my films, and when I say "distributor" I mean that in the loosest sense of the word, it's often a misnomer especially for the lolly independent filmmaker.  For the indie filmmaker who used his blood, sweat , tears, mortgage, and grandmother's social security money to make the damn film, a distributor is most often times not the person who is responsible in getting your film accessible to the world and in return making you some cash.  But, more often than not the distributor is the person who has an exorbitant amount of "marketing fees"  ie. $25,000 to $50,000 - that they keep first - and then after that you get whatever crappy percentage you worked out. And what do they spend their money on you might ask? Going to south of France, paying for a retardedly expensive hotel and food and parties and "artwork" which is done in house so virtually costs them $6, and they charge this same fee to 30 other indie films and then you see your film being sold on dozens of weird websites for a year,  and yet results in zero money in exchange, and when you ask for your promised quarterly reports, they some how sway the matter.

That said, I opened that ever waiting passive aggressive email from my "distributor"  writing me a note, pointing the finger at me for being the bad guy for referring another filmmaker elsewhere, after I just got off Facebook checking out his snapshots from partying in the French Riviera.  You win some, you lose some. Moral of the story, get money up front, go with a big company, or self distribute.  That's my two cents, they ain't all bad, just 90%.

 

Camille Solari - Photo By Isabelle Ruen

Navigating The Shark Tank - Article 2) "Holiday Prison"

"Holiday Prison"

The holiday season should be full of warmth and fun.  Snow flakes falling, families frolicking, egg nog nogging, and lots of presents and fun, and most of

all not a moments loss with a thought about work needing to be done.  And yes, this is the case, for the truly successful TV executive, studio head, the top

two of the top five talent agencies, some producer who actually made a killing on a movie this year and lets throw in Fergie and Carrot Top. Nahh, not Carrot

Top he's probably sweatin' it in Reno doing a soul draining stand up comedy show for a Walmart Corporate party function with Danny Bonneducci, (hey ya gotta

do what ya gotta do and I am not harping on corporate shows they pay better than ANY stand up comedy gig - well sans Dane Cook at The Staples Centre). So who

else in Hollywood is left? Depressed writers, out of work actors - experience a time where no one who can get you a job is available to meet or talk or

converse or nothin'. I fondly refer to this time as holiday prison.

Trying to fit in your last goddamn meetings to get your shows set up before the whole goddamn happy industry closes shop not for a week, not for ten days but

a whole goddamn month, can be a serious chore!  Truly it's a month, something I could never understand. So excessive. I used to wake up with anxiety sweats

come October because I knew the industry was getting ready to shut down in the next couple months.  I could smell it. I can still smell it. You can smell it,

if you tried to smell it.  Now I understand why Jack Nicolson went mental in The Shining, the industry shut down for not one month but like five months! Holy

shit mental breakdown city and THAT'S EXACTLY how writers feel during x mas. Or people who have to rely on executives to get jobs. Comics I leave as a

separate catagory, there is always a joke to be made about everything and the the more ass-backwards the situation the bigger the joke (enter blog here).

Take this incident for instance - two weeks before Christmas I tried contacting a producer I met at a predominant film festival who was anxious to get my

movie shot in Canada and was all up in my grill a month ago about it, and when I was finally ready to have the big fat chat - suddenly his assistant or

virtual cock-blocker as I like to refer to this breed of an assistant or should I say secretary just to be a dick about it said, "Oh Gosh John isn't going to

be able to do that (3 minute conference call) until after the holidays" is there even Christmas in Canada? Okay maybe I'm being slightly fecisious but come

on, don't just jump on the closing shop band wagon when you don't even have a shop to close up. It's tarded as in "re". But I digress.

After Thanksgiving we have basically one more week before brains start turning into saw dust, and Hollywood execs start checking out.  All right true, there

are a few workaholics that work through the holidays, and god bless their souls but they are far and few inbetween.  And then there are the writers, the

actors, the directors who didn't score a job before the wretched hollywood break who suffer through the holidays putting christmas gifs on credit, or are

forced to re-gift presents from the gift drawer that you got from some weird ass gifting suite - like pedicure slippers, a $6.44 gift certificate to

Starubucks or a "Wicked" coffee mug (the musical not the porn company).  So what is the solution to this yearly crisis?  Well, here it is... use the time to

get ahead of the game. If you're fat get thin, if you're getting dumb get smart, if you're a writer, write your balls off and restock the shelves with new

scripts if you're a director start writing,  if you're an actor, well go watch a movie and and tell yourself how much better of a job you could have done

than Anne Hathaway then go to the gym, and if you're a comic just keep on keeping on.  And most of all, have a darling time with your family, and when they

ask about your career change the subject to how beautiful the weather is and isn't nice that you're getting to spend a little extra time together this year.

Love,
Camille
p.s.
please bear with me on the typoes I had way too much spiked egg nog last night.

Camille Solari

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Navigating The Shark Tank - Article 1) Thinking Outside The Box

There are ethics, you know, the right thing to do; and then there are morals, the right thing to do in terms of your conduct with your fellow chums.  Then, there are Hollywood Ethics; the right thing to do that would advance your career; and then Hollywood morals, the right thing to do to advance your career.  And if you are not on board with that mantra, well, go back to Omaha, no seriously, it’s really nice there, I highly encourage it, or roll your sleeves up, throw on your best swim suit, and jump in the shark tank. 

The question is, how do you get what you want, try not to piss too many people off, and keep your own integrity.  It can be a difficult feat for both the racy executive, the self-deprecating writer, and of course the hot actress.  

Here is my antic-dote.  You may find my way wrong, right or even ridiculous but it worked for me so I will share it with you.

A producer got a hold of a script that I wrote that he wanted to buy.  My manager set up the ‘meet and greet’, with him for me.  I put on my heals and my semi conservative dress, parked in the free Beverly Hills parking lot, and  made my way up to the 7th floor.   The receptionist said, “You must be Camille,” that can be a good feeling when someone knows who you are, but not when it comes out of the mouth of a  puffy-lipped Botox babe who mastered the art of making any female feel like zero by one swelled look.  She told me he would be with me in a moment and to have a seat.   I glanced Variety, got that cringy feeling in my stomach that I get when I read page 7 of this semi-glossy magazine, like I ate a bad vegie burger, and in a few moments the door of his office popped open.   Some director came out, that I was supposed to know apparently, because he asked me my name and shook my hand, and didn’t offer his,  and then he was off to the elevator, I think he was a legend in his own mind.  The receptionist told me I could go in.   It was a beautiful plush office, with a panoramic view of Beverly Hills with its beautiful rounded windows that curved around the entire office.  The producer, told me to have a seat in front of his desk.   He stood up for a few moments before he took his seat,  remarked that the sun was too bright, and proceeded to lower the blinds will single button on a remote control.  Wow, that’s impressive.  No, that was sarcasm.  He finally took his seat, looked at me for a solid three seconds without saying anything, and said, “Great script.”  Words writers want to hear, but also can’t bear to hear at the same.  He then commented on liking my dress, and then remarked on the part of the script he particularly liked.  He then reached under the table and brushed his finger against my leg.  It was such a slight graze; it could have been an accident, except for the statement then came afterwards which was, “I will option this script if you do something for me right now…” 

I took a long moment, and went over my options.  My first thought was an angry one, but I shoved that one aside, and filed it for a Red Sox game.   I then thought, maybe I can laugh it off, or maybe I should really confront him and tell him thatwhat  he’s proposing is wrong and degrading.  But instead I took a different approach.  I thought, you're not going to solve this guy’s rabid insecurity of women in one power meeting.  You’re going to have to think outside the box, and when I say box, I mean my box.  How can I uplift his spirits, and when I say spirits, I mean the other half of his spirits, his mind.   I told him that I do totally understand his needs.  He concurred.  I agreed that we all want something and it’s important that everyone gets what they want and is happy.  He also concurred, this time with a bigger smile.  I also, added, that wouldn’t it be great if we could get what want everyday. He had even a bigger smile.  I then said, I really want my movie made, that would make me happy. He grazed his hand across my knee under the table, but this time not so innocently. I grabbed his hand strong and said, I have a solution. I told him that if he does my movie, we can have special section in the  budget to fulfill his needs everyday, chatskies,  because who knows I’m just a writer, my skills are limited in other areas and he really deserves the best. 

He laughed his ass off.   Called my manager and put an offer down on the script.  The next day a different company bought it.  And he became a really good friend.  

Love, Camille

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