Harvey Weinstein (The Weinstein's Released my thriller, "True True Lie")
PITCHING – IF YOU’RE BORED I’M BORED
I spent 8 hours yesterday
being pitched to by writers and producers all over the world. Literally all over the world. They flew in at
their chance to pitch their scripts to about a hundred production companies in
the hopes of scoring a deal. Okay, now,
I’m not claiming to be a pitch expert myself, lord knows, I feel like a used
cars salesman when I have to pitch an idea to someone – and even the sound of
it coming out of my mouth, I instantly have an urge to pop a Dramamine pill to
stop the nausea, but the fact of the matter is, its part of Hollywood. Luckily I haven’t had to do it too much
because I generally produce my own projects, so usually its more of a business
pitch like – it’s a thriller with Ray
Liotta, and then the honest investor says, “Honestly I’m not gonna read it, what is it about? “ And then I
reply, “It’s about a woman who brings
good luck to high-rollers” and investor/broker says, “Oh like, the opposite of The Cooler?”
Boom. Concise. Done, it’s interesting enough they got the hook, we can move onto more interesting
subjects like, “How much can you invest and
what’s our start date” type dialogue.
You see, the story could be about a girl who brings ice cream to
high-rollers and that investor could give a rats ass what it’s really about – so long as it’s a
thriller (as opposed to a quasi-multi genred movie that they can’t relate to) some
names they know that mean something somewhere, and they can get a return on
their investment, and God knows I prefer it that way. The less they want to be involved with the
script, the easier life will be for me, less
is more.
You see, I am hardly
interested in having an hour long “creative” conversation with the money
person. Not because I don’t care, (and I am speaking in the independent money
world) but if the person is strictly “money” and they spent their life being a
business man or woman, or owning an oil rig, or diamonds or Persian carpets,
and decided they want to dabble in Hollywood because it’s exciting to them, because they think they will get toc rub shoulders with blond actresses (in the hopes of rubbing other parts of
their bodies with blond actresses) then pitch what they are interested in (which may have nothing to do with your story) but more to do about – the parties they could go to, and hanging out on the set, and shooting in their home town
so they can show off how cool they are to their friends. You see, how did they
suddenly become an expert in plot structure? Because their not. Let the creative be the creative,
and let the money people crunch the numbers.
That is an ideal situation. I have dealt with the latter, but that’s a
whole different gallon of Kool Aid, and I will blog about the creative/money
person on a later date.
Let’s get back to the pitch,
the writer's pitch, which is usually to a producer who has the attention span of
a gnat. So if I must pitch something, it bloody well be something catchy where you
get the whole concept in about a sentence or two or consider the person in front
of you is going to take what I like to refer to as an owl snooze (a snooze with their eyes open) if they're polite. If they are less polite they just go about
returning emails on their smart phone in front of your face, while you sink
into your chair, and wondered why you spent $650 on your round trip ticket to
LA (hotel included) when you could have been having sex with your ex-girlfriend
who said you’d never make it in Hollywood (fuck her by the way, I mean
figuratively, at least you’re going after your dreams).
So the pitch; there are no hard and fast rules about
pitching, but here are some things that I hope will help you, and this is mostly
based on speed pitching to many tables of producers, where you have restricted
time to get your idea across.
Sit down, with a friendly, relaxed smile (not creepy, not
anxious, not desperate, just calm like
you’re sitting in front of a friend you haven’t seen for a while and you’re
just happy to be there).
If you are freaked out, and
nervous, and your hands are shaking, and it's obvious, I suggest you say, I’m
sorry, I’m a little nervous, I’m from a small town (or something truthful). It will put everyone at ease, because if you
feel that way, we start to feel that way, it’s like contagious. And if a producer, responds to your honestly
with a snide remark that makes you feel worse... well fuck that guy. He’s not
worth working with anyway, and probably couldn’t do anything for you and needs
to act in important because he was the booger guy in grammar school and needs to
flex his power now that he has an ounce of power in his half-assed development job, where all he really has the power is to to say "no."
You don’t need to shake
anyone’s hand necessarily, (if this is one of those speed pitch summit things)
we know you’re in a rush to get your idea out.
I honestly prefer someone to
come in with 1 or 2 ideas, “genre” films generally are going to get a lot more
interest (thrillers, action movies, horror).
I guess because internationally blood and death don’t need dialogue we
can all understand what’s going on even if it’s in Hebrew, whereas comedy can
be difficult internationally to translate because it’s dialogue based. It can be overwhelming if someone has 10
screenplays of all different genres, we start to get the “jack of all trades
vibe.” It’s okay if you do have all those screenplays but decide on what to
pitch based on who you are sitting in front of.
If you pitch a couple ideas and the producers aren’t interested, they
may ask, “do you have anything else” or you can ask, “Would you guys be
interested in a western?”
Also, practice your pitch
your mother or your hair dresser. If
they don’t brighten up after your 3 sentence pitch and go “cool” or add
something to it that validates it’s a good idea, then it’s not a good
pitch. We are not smarter than, your mother
and your hair dresser. If they don’t get it we won’t get it. A good pitch is concise and easy to understand.
Here’s a don’t. Don’t let us know that your color copies of
your one sheets are expensive, or your business cards were expensive so don’t
take one unless we really want it. That’s absurd. Then print it in black and white, or go VISTA print and pay like $10 for 250 business
cards. We don’t give a shit of the quality of your paper, but you should always
have something to give. Then it’s a true product. You’ve exchanged something in the hands of
someone. It might not be a screenplay
you gave, but it’s something tangible, more than a verbal pith. Maybe the producer doesn’t event want the one
sheet, but certainly he’s not going to say no to a business card.
Here is an example of a
simple one sheet.
Title: Killer Writer
Genre: Dark Comedy
Written by: Josh Writer
“Logline: A Desperate writer goes on a killing spree
after he gets rejected by every producer in Hollywood.”
Synopsis: John
Wilson, a struggling writer in his 30’s, after being rejected by every producer
in town decides he is going to settle the score and creates a hit list to get
rid of every producer in town beginning with the A’s. As he begins to plot his killing spree, and
has managed to kill three producers, he gets a call from a studio head telling him
that he wants to buy his pitch. This
sends Josh into a dwindling spiral of guilt, but he takes the gig anyway
despite his mental state. He makes the
front cover of Variety, and starts to become a famous writer, but then realizes
he had much more satisfaction in finishing his mission on killing off all the
producers he has pitched to.
Contact: Josh Writer joshwriter@gmail.com
310-555-1212
Okay now here is example of a success speed pitch
meeting.
Int. CONVENTION BALL ROOM – MARRIOT
A handsome Jewish writer (late 20’s) sits down in
front of a hollywood producer, SHARON MAX, who has a cold sore in the corner of
her mouth which is half heartedly covered up by concealer.
Writer: Hi, how are you?
Producer: Good, what do you have for me today?
Writer: I have two scripts one is a thriller the other
is a dark comedy.
Producer: Let’s hear the thriller.
Writer: “ A
Russian spy falls in love with an American girl who is traveling in Russia, and
they join forces.
Producer: Does that take
place in Russia?
Writer: Yes,
Producer: Sorry that won’t
work for us what else do you have?
Writer: I have a dark comedy.The location can be anywhere.
Producer: Great, lets hear
that one.
Writer: “A shulmpy guy in his
30’s is bored with his mundane life, and opens up a escort service.”
Producer: Oh that’s sounds interesting,
this is a feature?
Writer:”yes.”
Producer: ”how many pages?”
Writer “85”
Producer scribbles “pass” on
their pad of paper next to your name but the writer doesn’t see this. Why,
because feature scripts aren’t 85 pages. It’s too short. Should be like 105 to 120
Let’s rewind
Producer: “How many pages is
it?”
Writer “About 107.
Producer: “great, why don’t
you email that to me.”
Producer slides business card
across the table, writer slides one sheet across the table that has their
contact info on it.
There is still 2 minutes left
to the meeting.
If the produce asks you a
question like “Where are you from?” They want to know more about you, they are
asking you personal questions, why? Because they wanna know if their dealing
with a psycho, or if they can work with you. Just like you’re deciding whether
you want to work with them. If you
bothered to look them up, and can mention something they done, like “Hey you
worked with BLAH BLAH actor, he seems really cool, what was it liked to work with
them?” I mean, shit you bothered to look them up. You care. After you pitched,
maybe the producer isn’t interested in your ideas but it’s still a contact, you
can always get their contact info on IMDB Pro, you can put your business card
down too if they don’t want your one sheet, and they should give you a business
card back, but if they don’t you can politely ask, and if they don’t then look
them up. They’re not gong to remember that you were the writer they didn’t give
their business card too. When you do a
follow up email two weeks later.
What else. Oh yeah. When you pitch something, it’s gotta
be a new unite of time every time you pitch it. If it sounds like you’re bored, I'm bored. You don’t have to be an actor, to do this, but your concept
needs to be concise. So practice it to your friends.
Before you pitch, there may
be one producer there, or more, make sure you have everyone’s attention before
you launch into it – or at least most everyone’s attention. It just takes a quick silent moment sometimes
of sitting their comfortably for the producers to settle into listening to you,
you’ll know when their ready. You can
even ask politely, “You guys ready? Okay great.
If you are struggling with
getting a high concept pitch together, and sometimes the script is just more
character driven so finding an interesting pitch can be difficult to formulate
– in which case – I just name drop in the pitch like this “It’s a dramady in the world of ping pong, ensemble cast similar tone
to The Big Chill.” I don’t know how great that pitch was but
it’s better than” There’s this girl, and she likes this guy, and they fall in love,
but there’s a love triangle.” What the fuck does that mean? If I pitched it to
you would you be interested in hearing more about the story. No. it’s boring
and unoriginal.
I found that the best
screenplay book (and I am NOT BIG ON SCREENPLAY BOOKS!!) there is a section in
the, Save The Cat “Chapter 1” What is
it?” The section is on creating the log line. It’s
the most concise description with examples of how to create a great log line, that I have seen in these pedantic screenplay
writing books. Check it out.
Another thing on pitching. We
don’t care about your shitty attachments. What I mean by that is. We don’t care
about your shitty attachments. Sorry, I will clarify. When you say, this is a no name director who wants
to direct, and this no name actor or level c actor is attached, it doesn’t
bring anything to the project. And I
will clarify. If you are a writer and
you want to direct it that’s totally okay, but include a demo reel of your
work, and a short you did. If you
honestly don’t mind of there is a different director than you say that
too. But if it is your baby, then don’t
act like it ain’t your baby. It may be more difficult to get financing, but you
also have to keep your integrity in, if you really do want to direct the film.
This also goes for if you are an actor/writer. It’s totally okay to attach
yourself. I’ve produced a bunch of
features that I starred in. But as the budget gets higher I always made sure
that there were other roles I could play, that way it’s a mix and match of me
flanked by movie stars. There are also
screenplays I wrote, that I didn’t mind not being in, and there were also
movies I produced that were a paycheck for me that I didn’t write or act
in. But the cleaner the project is the
better. Don’t feel like you need to have attachments to be cool.
When you say this is based on
a “true story” we generally don’t give a shit if it’s a true story unless it
was “newsworthy” like there was either an article in the news about it that we
can find the link to online, or a true story from a book you adapted, that you
got the rights for. It’s not that
unusual for writers to write about things they have experienced.
Now, the other approach is
the real earnest approach if it applies.
Which is, “This is a story about
my life in Arkansas, growing up where I was a prostitute at the age of 14, and
I’m not proud of it.” Dude, you got
my attention. That’s your pitch. But you
either pitch it third person or you pitch it first person, don’t switch halfway
through it (rarely does that apply).
All right, what are my lost remarks. Oh yeah, you don't need to put a date next to when you wrote your screenplay (the unsaid rule) is - "You just wrote it!" All though, I find that this is bull shit, producers like things that are "fresh off the press" if it's a screenplay that you wrote 10 years ago - and it hasn't been made then they think "no one wants it why should they." I know, it's stupid, but the easiest way to handle this problem is to not put any dates on the one sheet next to your screenplay. Another thing is (update the date on your title page to something within the last 3 years). I've known writers to change the title of some of their old screenplays (um, me) so that it gets a fresh look at it. Frankly it's all bull shit, but why reduce your chance of getting your screenplay produced because you wrote it 10 years ago.
I hope this helps. One again, take everything with a grain of
salt, this is coming from a comedian, writer, producer who has written,
produced about 14 indie movies/TV pilots. I am sure there are many other more
qualified people out there with pages of more credits than me on IMDB who have
won Oscars but, this is my two cents, and is really only an effort to help you,
if it helps you.
Thanks Camille Solari
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